It’s been bit of a rollercoaster ride for me this last month. I have been diving into getting my projects off the ground and busy making waves in my life, BUT... Being someone that needs answers and always seeking answers, I find myself in a space of actually not knowing. I suppose it’s Allâh’s way of saying, Zaitoon it’s time to evolve and build a better version of myself,…to a path not taken. Isn’t that what I have always wanted? I am however, in a space of knowing that sometimes we just need to let it be, persevere and have patience, because the answers will come. It might take a while, but it will come.
You see, I have had a health scare recently. Going in to the doctor for just a check up one morning, I left with far more heavier news that I simply did not anticipate. All I remember the doctor saying is, “you might have to go in for a biopsy”. Believe me, IT WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! But, I understood the process as both my grandparents, an aunt passed away of cancer and this year my mum was diagnosed with cancer too. So, genetics and all, I knew it was something that had to done. Here's the thing though,... this thing, whatever it was, was lodged in my throat and my voice plays a huge role in my life and work. It drives my purpose but oddly enough, I knew that it was going to be okay. No matter the outcome, I knew it was going to be okay and it will be okay!
I went for the biopsy and tests came back, NO CANCER! I was relieved to say the least, but I was not out of the woods. The specialist looks at me and says, “there’s no cancer but we detected something else”. It’s called amyloidosis. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or not. He looks at me and says it’s a rare disease and he can’t give me much information because he hasn’t seen this disease in years. Off to GP, and she says the same. Back to square one! More tests done, three weeks later and I’m still unsure of what I’m dealing with and how exactly to deal with it. Oh and heads up, never google a disease! I’ll never make that mistake again…
But it got me thinking of a verse in the Qur’ân, when Allâh says to Prophet Músâ (may peace be upon him):
“And I have produced you for Myself”
In that simple text, Allâh was making him understand, that everything he went through, all his trials and tests, was by design. It was to prepare him for what was to come. It was to mould him for greater things and the role he was to play in the progression of faith. So, no matter what happens to us, it is by design, whether it is good or bad. It is so that we build strength, courage and understanding that we need to have faith that He is always there and He will not give us more than we can handle.
So, rare disease and all, I’ll be living in the knowledge that I am here, in this moment, getting things done and that He has produced me for Himself, for His purpose.
Keep having faith and shine dear warrior,…better days are coming and you are capable of far more than you know...